Thursday, March 31, 2005
i can't take it anymore. can i run away from everything? if i could, i would definitely do so.
yes, my life had not been perfect since the day i was born. but i had never imagine things would reach a stage that nearly drive me insane. i'm trying my best to be calm. if not, i would have shouted into the faces of people long time ago. i had never been this miserable. why would this be happening to me? maybe it's retribution. i had made people's life miserable and now it's my turn. and thanks claaar for bothering to read my sms and console me(in a way). it really helped. =) couldn't do without a friend like you.
last night slept at 2am. rather this morning. was feeling very very terrible in school this morning. came home straight after school and slept on the table while eating my lunch. mom woke me up and asked me to finish lunch before taking a nap. but had to do history project. so didn't take a nap before piano teacher comes. am really tired now. and tomorrow is sports day. don't feel like going. but i can't be bothered to skip it. so i shall just drag myself there. futhermore, i'll be able to disturb jing ying.
i'm still feeling depressed and irritated and frustrated. wish i could talk to someone about it. but claaar is having history test tomorrow and that goes the same to sherrie. sighh. at least that sms that i sent to claaar helps a lot. oh well, i shan't think that much. just take one day at a time and i know there's always someone i can turn to.
really hope the days can pass faster so that i can go back to Canada sooner for holiday. i wouldn't dream of going back there permanently. will definitely miss all my friends here. especially all my close friends. =)[58 more days to Canada]
whee. 58. before i know it, it will become 40+. and i just saw the flight details. despite the long hours, i'm still very excited.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
9:26 AM
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
i can't be bothered to finish searching for the prices for whatever stuff we're selling. who cares. i can't find. and it's irritating when all i could find is the price of chocolates. okay. so i gave up doing my task for english. but i still haven't finish my editoral reflection for history. grrr. sorry li qin! hee. ahhh. i'm too stressed. sort of. too many projects.
today's is just like any other tuesdays. had violin as usual. and the weird thing is that i didn't complain that much. although i was very tired after that. and sleepy of course. so came home and took a nap and woke at 8. no idea why dad came home so early. maybe he was on leave again? maybe not. maybe he was working half day...and he's on leave tomorrow. and mom is asking to come home straight away to go for lunch with dad. like we doesn't have lunch with dad at all. and yay! tomorrow finishes school at 12. can come home so early. and maybe take a nap? haha. i'm becoming a pig. oh. i WAS sort of a pig in primary school. whee.
lalala. 60 more days to Canada. which is around 2 months. which is like so fast. although according to a lot of people, it's very long. to me, it's very fast. cause i always look on the bright side. hee. and i'm excited. that's why. i'm going to do lots and lots of shopping there. oh! i want to go bowling also. so fun going bowling with my uncle. hee. and and and lots and lots more stuff. people always wonder what i'm doing there for nearly one whole month. they most probably think that i'll rot in grandma's house and go online everyday. which is like SO untrue. i didn't even have enough time last year. and one month is very short. cause mom needed to rest for one whole week because of jetlag last year. i'm not letting her do that this year. not wasting my precious time there. haha. and i want another bbq. with lots and lots of people. and my 2 cousins! then i will be so fun. and i will start spreading the laughing disease to my cousin and sister once i get high. from drinking alcohol. hee. lalala. whee. it'll be SO fun. can't wait.
okay. shall end here. want to go and have my desert. =)
i miss my cousins. but i'll be able to see them soon! =)[60 more days to Canada]
i'm happy. very happy. overjoyed! lalala. can imagine how fun everyday there will be! hee.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
9:08 AM
Monday, March 28, 2005
i've change my mind.
ok. i've really changed my mind. i want to go to university of toronto now. =) cause i'm afraid that if i study a certain subject in US, then i may not be able to go back to Canada to find a job. so i'm aiming for university of toronto now. it's still very hard to get in. top university(i think) in Canada. but i still want to go to harvard of course. i'll aim for that if i want to change the subject that i'll be studying. lalala. so Canada that shall be. and i still have to work very very hard. cannot wait until last minute before tests or exams comes then study. so yeah. i'm working towards my goal. =) and Canada have long vacations. slightly more than 2 months. though fewer public holidays. but that doesn't matter. and i shall beg my father for a car when i get to university. lalala. whee.
yay! i finally finish my chinese rhymes. great accomplishment! at least something is done now. oh no! i still haven't found out what i'm suppose to search for for english project. sighh. who cares. i don't want any more projects and homeworks! i want to STUDY!
whee. around 2 more months and off to Canada i shall go. lalala. time flies...very fast. i'm happy. hee. i still want my contact lenses. and rebonding of my hair. i'm still persuading my mom. but i'm succeeding. yay! haha. i'm going high!
okay. shall tidy my room one last time before li qin comes and do history project. my room is forever untidy. especially with fiona around.
okay. university of toronto doesn't sound that bad. it's still the top university in Canada. =) i'm always aiming for the best! high ambition. lalala.[61 more days to Canada]back to university of toronto again! lalala
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
6:00 AM
Sunday, March 27, 2005
i'm supposed to be doing my chinese rhymes. but i ended up here. =)
mom is trying to force me to go to east coast park now. and i'm against the idea. so there's nothing she can do to make me go.
i have something to confess today. i didn't study. actually i haven't even finish my homeworks. this shows that i'm lazy. and it's not just lazy. it's very lazy. i have to study hard. very hard. mom actually thinks that i have a chance to get into harvard if i work hard. oh hah! i'm not a genius. i'm an ordinary girl. but i want to get in though. sounds nice. =) and can prove to my grandma (paternal) that i'm better than my sister. mom said that we may be seeing the campus of harvard. in june. just a few days while we're in canada. i was against the idea at first. but now i think it'll be a good idea. it'll make me want to study harder to get in? i guess. i'll probably go crazy dreaming of it. lalala. and i don't like princeton already. don't find it nice. haha. harvard is better. =) whee. sighh. i'm dreaming...someone wake me up. but it's expensive to study in US. sigh. mom would rather want me to go to university of toronto, i guess. it's much cheaper...ahhh. oh no. i have to stop dreaming about my dream university. (does that sentence even make sense?)
okay. i guess i have to get back to my chinese rhymes. i'll most probably get bored to death. hope that it's not due tomorrow.
lalala. harvard. so nice. imagine this conversation: "which school are you from?" " harvard." how nice. i like that. =) then my grandma will be speechless. =) my sister won't be compared to me for this. ..whee. [62 more days to Canada]
i'm dreaming of my dream school which is not in canada. lalala.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
4:33 AM
Saturday, March 26, 2005
disappointed in myself.
i'm still very disappointed in myself. although it has been like 2 days already. but who cares. got back maths test result. the one on algebra. was already very scare when i found out that we were getting back our paper on that day. was having a little hope that i could do well. but that will never happen i guess. argh. i feel like giving myself a slap. and there's only one word to describe me. hopeless. yeah. that should be the word. well. i had 16.5/30. how bad can that be? very. i was gloomy for one period then i was back to normal. how hopeless can i be? very. it was as if i got good result. someone please give me a slap. i wouldn't bear to give myself one. although i've been wanting to do that.
i don't care. i'm going to study everyday from now onwards. okay. not everyday. but study frequently. i must stop day dreaming! ahhh. hopeless. hopelesss. hopeless.
anyway. i've changed my long term goal. my old one was to get into university of toronto. now i want to get into a university in the US. good ones of course. if not i might as well go university of toronto. and now it's back to the issue of studying hard. with my results like this, how am i even able to get into university of toronto? i have to study hard. i want to prove to myself that i can do it. although mom did not say which university i must get into. she is like always saying as long as i have done my best, then it'll be alright. sighh. but the next goal is to get into triple science. ahh. but my results so bad, how to get in? sighh. have such high hopes for myself. in the end i shall be even more disappointed with myself.
okay. i shall complete my homeworks first. before i can study. and i must stop dreaming of Canada. the day will come eventually. =)
i like Harvard University. Princeton also not bad. or maybe Yale. =) but i guess i can only dream about them?
[63 more days to Canada]
i believe in myself. =)
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
8:48 AM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
claaaaaaar! im blogging! im just so nice. do whatever you requested. and to prevent you from calling me a lazy bum too. =)
shilbe came back to school today! then she give me this cute cute giraffe. =) thanks shilbe! love you! hee. i shall get you something cute cute too for your birthday. anyway today school was quite alright. i like english! =) cos got my darling jy in my group! whee. haha. then got english CA. was okay and not okay. haha. after school went to parkway. for lunch and to kill time before violin starts. then i met theresa! =) then she was like talking so softly. haha. met her 3 times though. she called me a stalker...haha. then i didn't want to met sherrie. so didn't go and look for her. haha. and violin was horrible. stupid teacher. i want to quit already!
my blood was kind of boiling just now. and guess what darling claaar said. she said who put me in a pot or if i fell in myself. haha. righhht. and neither of them are correct. cos suddenly got this neighbour out of nowhere talked to my sister on msn. and at that time she was not in the computer room. so i chatted with him. and somehow he started blaming me and my sister for don't know what rubbish thing. lame okay. the conversation i meant. and guess what. he's older than me by 4 months. ahhh. stupid. but yeah. he's lame lar...shan't bother about him. waste my time.
sighhh. i miss Canada! i can see in my mind how happy im going to be when i reach there and what im going to do. i can even imagine how's it like when we go shopping again. sighh. i want to go back there now!
oh. and i have to start saving lots and lots of money. cos before i go Canada, i want to go and rebond(?) my hair and layer. then li qin say want to go to jean yip. and i have no money now! and i also want to go for manicure and maybe pedicure? haha. and i also want to go and watch lots and lots of movies. i still have to bring money to Canada to things for myself and gifts if not everyone will start killing me. haha. must at least save up a few hundred bucks. sighh.
okay. i want to go and sleep. and dream of my Canada!
im currently obsessed with BIG BIG lollipops. hee.[67 more days to Canada]
can the days pass faster? please?
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
10:10 AM
Sunday, March 20, 2005
grrr. i'm going to explode. people who don't wish to feel as if your head has been bitten off after reading my post, you better
shoo.
ahhh. i'm irritated. while people have been enjoying there holidays out there, i'm here feeling as if i could have killed a tiger. people kept intruding into my life. i'm referring to my
darling parents. my father had been interfering into every aspect of my life. not exactly every. but yeah. he kept trying to stop me from chatting on msn, stopped me from doing anything on the computer and keep nagging at me. he will sit there while i'm chatting and read what i'm typing and start being nosy and will even attempt to type things to my friends. just to get me away from the computer. grrr. what business is it of his?! he don't even bothers about those things in the past and now he bothers about EVERYTHING. i think it's a VERY bad idea for him to take leave from work. and now because he kept complaining to mom, she starts to nag at me too. grrrr. my parents are
possessed! ahhh. i shan't talk about them anymore.
i haven't done my homework and oh great. i'm going to die. in fact i'm half dead already. i have not done my art, neither have i done my chinese rhymes. ahhh. someone shoot me. please.
okay. i guess i shall be off. i need to find out what homework i have left out. and seriously i missed Canada now.
to my darling parents. buzz off![69 more days to Canada]
i don't want to go through another term! stressed.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
8:20 AM
Friday, March 18, 2005
feel like crying. for no reason. maybe there is. but i just don't know what it is.
went out today. again. but i was not in a shopping mood. so was feeling irritated all the time. walked around raffles city after lunch. lunch was terrible. was supposed to go to royal china at raffles hotel. then saw this restaurant opposite. so mom and dad decided to go there. what a bad decision. my mood could have been better if we went to royal china. ok. so walked around royal china then cabbed down to paragon. was feeling very sleepy. walked around taka too. was very boring. sighh. then finally cabbed home cause dad had to go for dinner with friends i think. so that's about it i guess. leaving out the part where i watched tv the whole night?
i had just been thinking. mom had been so nice for the past year. and now, she's back to normal. maybe all the miracles had gone. i am getting so easily pissed off by her. i prefer the other mom. i want her to come back. will my wish come true? will miracles happen again?
i don't know whether going back to canada would be a good or bad thing. i'm very sure i missed everyone and everything there. i'm afraid of losing a cousin. i don't want to have distant cousins. especially the one and only cousin we (me and my sister) could share things with. although she's half a year younger than my sister. but all my other cousins are too young. i had a cousin older than me and we were so close once, but now we are so distant. i still remembered how he used to take care of me and how we used to play together. i missed those times. sighh. why can't adults settle things without implicating us? sighh. i had always envy others of being able to be so close with their cousins. sighh. well, i shall just hoped for the best. maybe a miracle will happen.
okay. i shall try to complete my homeworks by today. but i'm in no mood to do them...
depressed. sad. crying silently in my heart.[71 more days to Canada]
so will it be a good or bad thing? i don't wish to know.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
10:40 AM
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
i'm kind of tired now. had a long day...woke up at 7 today. had to be in school by 8am for cheerleading. and yes, the day has come, it was the day of competition. li qin didn't managed to get her skirt yesterday, so spent the whole morning trying to get it. finally, she got it, and it was ms lau who unlock the classroom door. i didn't know she would help. but yes she did and that's a fact. i lost half of my voice when it was our turn. and i was slow at one part. oh no. i was terrible...but we did have fun. it was always fun doing our routine in front of everyone although i was nervous. haha. so results are not out yet and we have to wait till term 2.
i haven't even started on my homework yet! i'm going to die. i must finish my homeworks by tomorrow. i don't care. if not i'll punish myself. and whoever have any idea how i should punish myself, feel free to share it with me. =)
okay. a really short post today. have to get started on my homeworks...
[73 more days to Canada]
i am not willing to go through another term of stress and sufferings. someone please help me...
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
8:08 AM
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
i'm high today, again. yes, i'm really high. i'm certain.
morning went to school for cheerleading. had no energy today. so couldn't shout. was too weak. and practice was torturing. had to go through the routine so many times. although there was a long break in between. then stayed until 1 plus for li qin and jia ling to come, cos they were having band. so they came at their lunch break. so went through the routine a few more times, after that li qin and jia ling had to go. but i stayed in school until 2 plus. cos i was unsure of where to go. so i waited till clar confirmed whether she was going to angeline's house . and tara called too.
then clar said she could go, so met her at the bus stop. which, according to her, she waited 15 minutes for me to arrive. and as you see, she took a cab there, while of course, i took a bus there. i'm not that rich. the back gate was locked and some kind soul let us get in. so we don't need to walk to the main gate. tara was there already by the time we reached there. and clar was too afraid to go in because of angie's dog. well, at least in the end she managed to get in despite all the screaming. haha. so clar immediately ran into angie's room and closed the door. then we were all sitting on the bed doing nothing, clar was playing the guitar and angie was busy organising her things i think. so they wanted to order pizza after that and i had to pay around 10 bucks. there goes my money. haha. then kim called and asked us to go down to the bus stop. to let her get in the condo. then went back up. and just right, the pizza arrived. yay! cos i was very hungry by then. oh. then kim was trying to learn some song on the piano. and angie was the teacher. haha. then we played this board game. there's tweety in it! hee. i obviously took tweety. haha. then tara and kim went back to the piano while we were playing half way through. so angie was helping the two of them to row the dice. haha. in the end got too bored, so stopped the game. then everyone came back into angie's parents' room. and i occupied some of tara 'private space' i think. something like that. oh. then she tried calling theresa again. and it was like 4 plus by then. and it was obvious she was not coming already. how sad. and dionis also never come. ok. so some how we wander back to angie's room again. then kim said that she want to go 'walk walk'. haha. then everyone didn't want to, cos angie switched the air con on. so me, clar, and tara were lying on the bed. and i said that we were lying under the same bed. it was not a sick thought. according to tara it was. but it was true cos there was a bed above us. double decker bed you see. clar agreed with me! then at around 5, they wanted to go walk walk. so went to siglap. clar didn't go. she had something on and she asked tara to return the vcds for her. so that's how we had to go to siglap. bought a drink and angie bought lots of bread. haha. she was fasting. and she could only eat bread. so poor thing. then me and tara had to go home. so walked to the bus stop to take 10. then was disturbing her all the way. haha. i even said that we will have to wait for a long long time before we can lie under the same bed again. haha.
and i kept boo-ing tara at the moment i saw her. her reaction was funny. and i couldn't stop laughing for like 3 hours? haha. then angie's comment was that i have gone crazier. haha. right... and i was the only one in school uniform. haha. oh. then tara was wearing big ear rings. and was carrying a handbag. haha. she look kind of weird, but not that much. hee. i don't think i'm talking sense now. i had not been talking sense the whole day i think. haha. oh. and i learn to play something on the guitar today. hee.
was really happy today. haven't been that happy for a long time. although the atmosphere was 'tense?' at first. haha. actually no. haha. was just very not comfortable with it, cos haven't meet them for a long long time. but was really fun. and we have to wait until the next holiday, which may be in september for another gathering? haha.
there's cheerleading competition tomorrow. and we are not that ready yet. sigh. i can't be bothered to think about it. it will only ruin my good mood. and i have history project tomorrow. ahhh. someone stop my brain from thinking about tomorrow. grrr. i am going to hate tomorrow. i love today. wished i could stay at angie's house a little longer.
okay. i shall go and try to remember my steps for cheerleading tomorrow.
[74 more days to Canada]
i can be truly happy even if i'm not in canada. but only with my friends around.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
8:23 AM
Monday, March 14, 2005
whee! i'm feeling high now when i was just feeling sad around an hour ago. haha. i'm weird. no. i'm not. haha. i'm gifted. lalala.
li qin and jia ling came my house today. hee. spent 15 minutes on cheerleading only. haha. we were supposed to be spending all of the time on cheerleading. then we were like playing with my nail polish/polishes?. li qin painted her toe nails black and white. alternate. then jia ling is like one side black and the other white. after we got bored with nail polishes, they were helping me to choose a top for evening. and shoes too. haha. then lunch. had kfc. mom went out to buy. and piano teacher arrived, so fiona went first. soon they left and i had my piano. piano was so nice today. but i was kind of distracted. too excited about going out later on. i only played 1 exam piece. haha. how nice. yay! then piano teacher left and i took half an hour to choose my top. lalala. then was like messaging li qin and syaz all the time. haha.
li qin arrived at tanah merah mrt station the earliest! yay! li qin is so punctual. then syaz actually walked there and i took bus of course. haha. was talking with sherrie on the phone all the way till mrt station. then met syaz at the bus stop, kind of, and she never wait for me! haha. i was kind of chasing her. while talking on the phone. then met li qin, and i was still talking on the phone. arguing about him and they. haha. me and
sherrie's conversation was just like: him,
they, him,
they, him,
they...etc. haha. then took mrt to somerset. was laughing all along with li qin on the train. then syaz was so serious(like real) and was reading her storybook. oh! i left this part out. we were all supposed to be wearing skirts, then syaz never wear. so sad. bought tickets at cathay first, then walked to far east plaza(met this gay guy who's like wearing pink from head to toe), then went to giordano to get my black tee. then met jy at giordano. haha. jy in the end also never wear skirt. ate at burger king. then it was time for the movie already. so went in, and was laughing so loudly at the advertisments(?). haha. was so funny. then during a time while watching hitch, syaz snatched my jacket away from me! oh poor jacket. haha. joking. then li qin kept hiding under my jacket. don't know for what reasons. haha. after movie ended was already 9 something. then don't know why everyone had to call someone. except me. haha. so took
the train home. li qin got off at bedok and me and syaz at tanah merah. then syaz was so nice to ask her father to send me home. thanks syaz! hee. syaz and her father are very nice people! haha.
ahhh. tomorrow there's cheerleading! oh no! that means i have to wake up early! but i'll just have to suffer for 2 days. suffer from not enough sleep. sighh. and i still have to do my book review for history!! ahhhh. stress. stress. stress. ahhhh. and i still have SO much homework piled up. i'll take forever to finish it. sighhh. i shall just start on my homework tomorrow.
okay. got to go to bed. if not i'll have terrible eyes tomorrow. haha. oh. and syaz, li qin, jy and me are planning to go watch that funny movie. haha. then everyone MUST wear skirt. haha.
[75 more days to Canada]
maybe life isn't so miserable after all. or maybe it is. but today is certainly not...
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
10:46 AM
Saturday, March 12, 2005
i'm just so sleepy. just got pulled out of bed by mom. sighh. just cause they want to go out. since fiona is still in the bathroom and she'll take forever, might as well blog for a while.
went for violin as usual yesterday. terrible as usual. maybe for future posts, i shan't even talk about my violin lessons. cause it'll always be the same old thing. then after than roam around parkway for a while before taking bus down to somerset mrt station to meet jy. then me and jy took so long to find each other. how nice. and my phone bill definitely is exploding. so after that we went to heeren cause jy wants to find her bag, and in the end didn't manage to so we started roaming around heeren. then jy went to buy a similar necklace that she lost, and i found SO many heart necklaces there. so nice. actually wanted to buy, but was still looking for nicer ones. oh. then here comes the fun part. not for jy but for me. haha. jy's mom called and i just realised that she lied to her mom saying that she's at her friend's house preparing for something. then she's supposed to attend a dinner at night, so her mom asked her where she is and of all people, she asked me for my address. how great. and they were supposed to go to joo chiat for dinner. so jy became so scared and nervous i guess. haha.
li qin with syaz and the malays arrived a while after that after there movie for class bonding. and 14 people went only. how pathetic. and i was supposed to go, since me and li qin planned the thing. but i had that bloody violin lesson. ok. so after she arrived she wanted to go to nydc to eat and we split up from the malays. so then jy started 'complaning' that she couldn't find the bag, and we went to look for it AGAIN. and in the end li qin didn't manage to eat at nydc. how sad. hee. so jy bought her bag, and her mom called again. and finally she said a final lie, and went home. so jy missed all the fun after that!
then syaz called and said that everyone had left, so she came and look for us. so then they wanted to look for the pencil case that they wanted but couldn't find it. so we roamed around there once again and we bought sweets. and syaz bought flowers for her
brother. haha. then we bought hamiza's birthday present, and then went down to roxy. and miss syazana found this BIG pencil case that'll occupy half of her table. it was nice, but it's BIG. and it was the last one, so li qin couldn't buy that. so li qin found another one but that'll only occupy 1/4 of her table. haha. so we were like joking about it. and then syaz had to go to somewhere near far east plaza, so we walked her there. then we walked back. haha. cause i had to go to taka and li qin was meeting her sister at paragon. on the way, went to giordano. haha. but didn't buy anything. so before we go and meet whoever we're supposed to meet, we gave each other big HUGS. whee. me and li qin gave syaz also. haha. but we didn't managed to hug jy. hee.
then met mom and dad and fiona and kenneth, aiya, whole family. then bought 2 books from kinokuniya and went for dinner at paragon. then come home and sleep! was very exhausted after one whole day.
okay. i've to go shopping now. haha. no. actually i haven't even change yet. i shall go before mom nags at me again.
clar : if you ever read this, cheer up okay? don't do anything silly. if you want someone to talk to, you can always call me, okay?
[76 more days to Canada]
i could remember all the memories there ever since i was born...
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
10:43 PM
Friday, March 11, 2005
sigh. i'm hopeless. i'm such a lazy person. i just realised that i haven't been practicing my piano for a long long time. cos i made so many mistake during piano yesterday. and i haven't been practicing my violin too. and i have not been studying. argh. i'm hopeless. someone kill me please.
got back progress report today. wasn't very happy with my results. but a lot of people gave me a beating. and my hands and arms ended up RED. and and and olivia got higher than me! that's like so unfair. grrrr.
didn't go for cheerleading again today cos had to come back home and look after brother. mom had to go for some appointment. then i still haven't found my black tee for cheerleading. planning to buy it soon...
going shopping with jy and li qin tomorrow. don't know what to wear. sighh. i can actually be stressed over this kind of thing. lalala. and i'm like going bankrupt. how to shop? hee.
i gave up painting my finger nails. have been trying to get them done since 10pm, but not successful. i was frustrated. so i'm not painting them now. maybe another day.
okay. got to go to bed now. have to wake up early to practice my violin and decide on what i'm wearing. okay. off i go...*yawn*
[78 more days to Canada]
can't wait any longer. i'm already losing all my patience.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
10:55 AM
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
i'm lost. i'm in my little world.
i don't know what's wrong with me this few days. i feel lost. and i don't know the reason. i'm indeed living in my own little world. i have been feeling happy, but not truely happy. i have been excited about lots of things, but still i'm not happy. what's wrong with me? what exactly is wrong with me? i need to get out of my little world. someone help me please.
i'm feeling very depressed now. sighh. i feel as if i'm floating now. as if i'm in a dream.
Canada no longer excites me that much now. i don't know what'll happen to me if i were to go back there permanently now. i'll be very lost. i'll be more depressed than usual i think. maybe i'll long to stay here if that really happens. i do have lots of wonderful memories here.
picked up brother from school today as mom went out for lunch. someone was treating her to lunch as it was her birthday. and after that i sleep throughout the whole afternoon. was kind of tired and had nothing to do.
nothing much happened in the last 2 days. we finally finish our cheerleading routine. it's kind of weird but fun. and tiring. and i still haven't found my black tee for cheerleading. had been discussing about our class bonding. i don't think i'll be able to make it. have violin lesson that day and it finishes at 2pm and the movie is at 2.25pm. and it's at plaza singapura. sighh. how sad. but i'll be watching hitch on monday night. and jy says that if we all wear skirts, she will wear. if one of us don't wear, she won't wear. haha. so must make sure everyone wear skirt.
okay. i guess that's all. i need to go and try to get out of my little world. which means the computer can't be in front of me. i don't know why but yeah. well okay. i'll have to get back to my little world.
oh. and before i forget, although i know she won't read it, just wanna wish mom a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. god bless her always.
[80 more days to Canada]
i'm confused. i'm lost. i need help...
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
10:23 AM
Sunday, March 06, 2005
stressed.
i have a maths test tomorrow! ahhh. and it's on ALGEBRA. how nice. i'm seriously going to fail. i don't even know how to solve problems using algebra...sighh. hope miracles will happen and i can at least pass. did nothing today. except...everyone could guess what i did today. i STUDIED all day long. i think my brain is bursting. cos i'm fitting too many stuff in. oh no. i think now i'm getting a headache. okay. shall just update on the last two days.
[yesterday//saturday]
went to school at 8 plus for cheerleading. had to wake up early which was torturing. but i have to force myself. cos i missed too many practices already. and aisha seriously will kill me if i don't turn up for yesterday's practice. then syaz and nadhirah also went to help. after cheerleading, went with everyone to parkway for lunch at kfc. i didn't eat much cos had to meet mom later for lunch. so after lunch walk around parkway, then syaz and shilbe left first cos syaz wanna go library and shilbe brought her there? haha. erm. so walk continued walking around with aisha they all. then they wanted to play the escalator? luckily mom called at that time, so i don't have to play it. haha. so then went to paramount for lunch. long walk from parkway, especially with my heavy bag. then after lunch had violin. can't be bothered to talk about it. if not i'll start complaining like hell. then at night went out for dinner to celebrate mom's birthday i think. then came home and got very pissed off with dad.
[friday]
i rushed my art on thursday then in the end mrs loh said that we can hand it in next term. how stupid. then did our gym routine for PE. so fun!! haha. then it's like my group is so messy. especially me. haha. but it was fun. our groups are so nice! i like li qin's group!!! haha. don't know why but i just like it. hee. then were like playing those balls the whole day. kept bouncing them around the whole classroom. then during lit, mine and syaz balls bounced up to miss ang. then it's like she took it for a while then gave us back. haha. oh...jy gave syaz the yellow ball i gave her. haha. then i took jy's pink transparent ball. haha. so nice! how i have two pink ball! lalala. so yeah...i think that's about it.
okay. got to go to bed. if not i'll never be able to wake up tomorrow. hee. okay. i'm off to my comfortable little bed. haha.
[83 more days to Canada]
days are passing very quickly. quicker than i have expected...
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
9:40 AM
Thursday, March 03, 2005
just finish my art.
i'm so tired. just finish my art. and i didn't even finish my history worksheet. i guess i'll just have to go to school and do it tomorrow.
nothing much done in school today. except practicing of gym routine during recess. and sleeping during science in the science lab. might as well sleep, cause i'm sitting right at the back and can't even see anything. and lots of people were sleeping too. yay! we've finally decided when to watch hitch! and i think my mom said that i can go...so next saturday there will be class bonding. and the following monday night, we'll be watching hitch! and we've to watch it at night because of that jy. she has training and match in the afternoon from monday to friday during march holidays. sighh. but still, at least i have found something to do.
had piano today. then mom went suntec. that's so unfair again. it's like i always cannot go shopping. well, i think that's all i did today. besides rushing to complete my art which looks so ugly. and everyone can tell that i was doing it in a rush.
alright. got to go. dad just arrived home. and he's like nagging again. sighh. okay. shall go to sleep now!
[86 more days to Canada]
i've never thought of how i'll feel when i have to go back there permanently. how sad will i be?
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
10:35 AM
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
sighh.
have been feeling depressed for the whole day. plus it rained. that's why i'm not in a good mood. the weather affects my mood...
anyway. poh yi's birthday today. in the morning had to go to caltex to buy fruitplus to fill the box for poh yi present. then actually i asked syaz to accompany me, then she took bus and didn't come early. so raihan accompanied me to caltex...bought 2 packets of fruitplus in the end. the filling in sweets part was fun. then poh yi came to class and we haven't even finish preparing the present. so we were all like screaming which makes it very obvious. haha. so after getting everyone to sign...we finally gave it to her. there was lots and lots of sweets. trust me. it's really THAT much...haha. anyway school finished at 12 today. so came home early. did nothing much in school. except for science. don't know selected for what rubbish competition. then it's like nadhirah was chosen then mr ho go and write nadirah's name. haha. then when everyone was trying to tell him, he refused to believe us. hahaha. then syaz was looked very pissed off by don't know who. came home and i slept. until 6! how nice. was suppose to do art poster, in the end never...haha.
i found out in the afternoon that today is my cousin's birthday. my one and only cousin who's older than me. and he's 20 this year. so much older than me. haha. didn't have his e-mail so couldn't send him e-card. we're kind of distant already, you see...haha.
well, i think that's about it. and the bad news isn't so serious after all. i think. but still, it affects my mood...okay. i shall be off to bed.
[87 more days to Canada]
exactly how long more is 87 days? i want to end this 'sufferings'.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
9:56 AM
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
god bless my family, especially mom.
just heard some bad news today. don't know if it's really that bad. and i shall not say what the bad news is. i am such a horrible person. when i heard the news, all i said was an 'oh' and 'okay'. i didn't even show any concern...i'm horrible. someone punish me please. but yeah. hope that everything turns out fine...
school is horrible as normal. but we have sort of finalised the details of our class bonding. we are going to watch a series of unfortunate events on the 12th of march. i'm going to kill those who wanted to change the date from 11th to the 12th. cos me, li qin, jy and syaz are supposed to go and watch hitch on the 12th! ahhhh. now we have to find another day to watch hitch. how great. today after school went parkway. had lunch then went to search for poh yi's birthday present. we were all like so secretive in school, then i think poh yi knows what we were doing. haha. anyway, we bought lots of small little stuff and put it into a box. then all the stuff are mainly pink! i also want. haha. but i bought this really nice rubber band. it's pink! li qin says she wanna fill the box with fruitplus sweet...haha. what a good idea. maybe i can steal one...hee. rushed back to school for cheerleading. and we were late again. but the malays wasn't practising either, so that was fine. then cheerleading we only finish the actions for like the 1st line of the school cheer? which is like so slow. when the competition is coming soon. but overall the practice was fun. laughed until i had stomachache. hee. after that had violin tuition. horrible as usual. so i have nothing to say...
just overheard my mom's conversation with my aunt on the phone. about her wedding. then my mom was like saying that my brother can be the ring boy and i don't know whether i can be anything or not. so not fair. haha. anyway i'll be attending 2 weddings this year. yay! so nice.
okay. i shall go and do some self reflection. i need a very quiet environment and of course definitely not in front of the computer. i'm off!
[88 more days to Canada]
will i really be happy when i finally have to go back there permanently?
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
9:15 AM